Binary Agony

  • 1 vs. 0
  • A vs. B
  • Known vs. New
  • Red Pill vs. Blue Pill

Life is a stream of choices.

There are choices made by others and there are choices made by us.

As an infant choices are made by biology and by those who care for us.

Slowly we become aware of our own ability to choose.

Over time we realize our choices change what is not me.

And then we see that we can make choices that change what is not me even to the point of changing what others choose.

Then…. it’s on.

The winds of the external world blow about us, the waves rise and fall, the world spins and our view of the sky changes by the hour, night and day, season by season. The change is relentless.

We react fiercely to awareness of uninvited changes.  As an infant we do not set goals to be full and dry, we lament the loss of satiety and comfort. Our rage is against the misery of change.

Our awareness grows to sense the power of change, by chance or choice from without, can also be our hope. Growing in awareness of the ability to will our hands to open and close we begin to replace our vulnerability in passivity with exercises in volition. Our own finger in the eye reminds us of the dangers of our own choices. The battle intensifies within us. There are obvious benefits to expanding our awareness of possibilities and our abilities for execution. The anxiety of opportunity and the risks of miscalculation oscillate around the most central aspect of Self: I will what I will.

Right here right now I continue the war with my will.  It helps. It hurts. It is only one will in a world of wills and other forces. How will I choose to think about my will in a way that sneaks up on my will such that I can will my will to change?

I will use an ultra-simplified taxonomy:

The Will That Is vs. The Will That Could Be

The Will That Is

Environmental forces, by will and natural necessities, have shaped The Will That Is. It has been formed over time. My Will That Is is conformed to the cosmos of what has already been. The Will That Could Be seems entangled by the limitations of what already is. What can change that? Are tactical choices from within the existing self to see a new possibility and learn to execute that possibility into a new reality sufficient? Is there an external will that can change my vision of possibilities and powers of competency? Can that outside will be trusted by my Will That Is when it realizes it is to be replaced with a Will That Could Be?


There seems to be a resistance to change how the Will That Is works because the Will That Is has searing memories of changes initiated from within and from without which have made things worse. The Will That Is becomes extremely risk averse over time. It is formed to cope and it is afraid to lose what it has for what may or may not replace it.

How does one live from the Will That Is, which is the only will I have, while pursuing the Will That Could Be? It is a struggle. The donkey pulling the cart is lured by the dangling carrot and prodded by the stick upon which the carrot dangles. The Will That Is is as stubborn as a donkey but not as unaware. The Will That Is is both the donkey and the man tying the carrot to dangle from the stick. Who will save me from this cycle of essential change resistance?

Someone = Some Will

A will from without is how the Will That Is yields to the Will That Could be. But whose will is to be welcomed in by the Will That Is? It is a dream to have a rapid exchange of wills by a trustworthy will. With perfect timing and precision Will-1, the Will That Is gets replaced by Will-2, the Will That Could Be.

Who will save me from this?!


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